Tears & Cheers

My little bumper,

You bounded off into kindergarten today, and you didn't look back once. Like you told Grandma last week, "I'm not nervous at all, Grandma, I'm just ready to go, but I'm not nervous at all!". And you weren't, my sweet girl.

You've been in some sort of school for almost 3 years now, but there's something different this year. Kindergarten is a whole new ball game, and this milestone is suddenly giving me visions of you starting your senior year of high school. Six years ago, I was eagerly, nervously awaiting your arrival earthside, and now we've grown so much together. Where will we go from here? Where will you go?

I know you will do wonderful & amazing things because you already have. I hope that you always have the excitement in your eyes that you had this morning. The world is absolutely your oyster, and you can do anything that you put your mind to doing. Hard work, dedication, & compassion will take you so far in life.

We are both starting a new chapter today. I knew this day would come, and I've been preparing for it since before you were ever even born. Here it is, and here we go, so I'll wipe my tears and cheers to you. I hope that you enjoy this ride.  I'll love you always, Cori Aletta.

Mama

Happy 5th Birthday, Cori Aletta

My dearest Bumper:

Happy birthday, sweet girl.  We are celebrating your 5th birthday today, and I am blinking back tears.  I have no idea how you have grown so fast.  Spencer and I took you to the pool last night to swim with your brother, and I watched you dart around with your floaties on, out into the deep waters.  You no longer cling to the side, or rather, to my side, as you flit through the water.  You are a whole hand, no longer a little baby, but still, always my little baby.  You made me a mama, and I prayed for you so much, sweetheart.  I nestled you for 9 long months, and 3 days past your due date, and I cried so much when I first held you against my chest.  You nuzzled to me and you and I, we figured out what nursing was like together.  We got through long bouts of crying and all those nights we spent together, just you and me, in Korea when Daddy was gone for weeks on end with the Army.  It was you and me against the world, Cori.

You know, you can be a real pistol, little one.  You are the hardest thing I've ever done, but you and your brother, dear, make me the proudest mama in the world.  I don't always have as much as patience with you as I wish I did, but we're still learning this life together, baby, and I hope that I am growing everyday as a mama just as you are growing up everyday.

Even when you drive me crazy, and want to change your hairstyle ten million times in a matter of fifteen minutes, or decide you need to change your shoes the moment I finish tying them, I love you.  I love you when you throw a fit about your bagel cracking in half, or your syrup being poured in the wrong spot on your plate.  I love you in the middle of the night when you crawl into my bed just to get more cuddles, or at night, when you sneak from your room a hundred times for "just one more hug".  I love the way you love your brothers, and the way you get so excited when you get to see "Foxy".  I love that you love Spencer, even if I get jealous when you want him to do everything for you instead of me.  I love that you constantly request that Spencer and I give you a little sister, ("but NOT another little brother") and then shove one of your dolls up my shirt and pretend that she's your new little sister. I love the silly voices you make when you say "Get me ouu-ut" or "1, 2, 3... fart, fart, fart!" Yes, even then, my dear. 

You make me laugh and cry and smile and you make my whole heart swell up with every emotion imaginable. You are my favorite little girl, Cori Aletta, and I will always love you.

Always,

Mama

Cowboy's Lament

I’m missing you so badly today, sweet girl. Mama was listening to her iPod today, and one of the songs that used to lull you to sleep from the time I brought you home from the hospital, came on. It stopped me in my tracks to hear the familiar sounds and a million tiny memories of us rushed over me. I could suddenly feel your sweet, powdery skin pressed up to mine as you nursed and smiled your baby smiles. I could feel the tickles of your newborn hairs tickling my eyelashes as I remembered nuzzling the soft, sweet folds of your baby neck. I was back in that moment with just a few chords of a song. I miss you, girl, so much. What I wouldn’t give to scoop you up and twirl you into one of our famous dance parties right this very minute. Mama thinks about you every day and every night, hoping that you will always understand how hard it is for me to miss out on you growing up. Daddy takes good care of you, but he’s no substitute for Mommy, and I’m sorry I’m not with you every minute. I love you, Cori girl. I miss you. I can’t wait to see you. I’m kissing my necklace for you tonight, sweetheart, and hoping that somehow, someway, you can feel my love in this moment and every moment.

The Cowboy’s Lament by Jewel
“Oh my angel
Sweet, sweet angel
Come to me swiftly
This night so still
For dawn does come swiftly
I’ve been gone so long
But your face is so lovely
It keeps my faith strong
My hands are unsteady
I’m so far from home”

April 8, 2013

To my beautiful 3 year old,

I held you in my arms today, and we cried together, not wanting to let go, not knowing when we would be able to hold and kiss each other again. I'm sorry you had to cry in front of your classmates and your teachers, and Mama is sorry that you have to face this at only 3 years old. You are stronger than any preschooler should be, and I am so fortunate that I could be the one to wipe your tears when you were having such a hard time. I'm sorry that you have to face Mama and Daddy's problems at such a young age. I gave you my necklace last night and told you that any time you are missing Mama, that if you kiss that necklace, I will feel your warm little kiss on my own lips. I believe that is true, and I hope you always do too. Sadly, your necklace broke on the playground today, but Daddy tells me he will replace the chain as soon as he can, and I hope he follows through on that. I need that connection to you, my sweet Cori. Your friends were so happy to see you back at school today, and all I kept hearing was a constant stream of little voices telling you how much they missed you and how you were their friend. You are flourishing in school, my lovely girl, and I know you will continue to flourish as you grow up. You are hardly a baby anymore, and some days, I just can't believe it. One day, this will all make more sense to each of us, but until then, I hope you continue to show the strength that you have shown. You are a military child, my little one, which means you have a force within you that can overcome any struggle that comes your way. I love you, my sweet, lovely Cori Aletta.

Mama

December 28, 2009

Beautiful Cori,

We celebrated your first Christmas a couple of days ago.  Of course you are only 3 months old, so you didn't really know what was going on, but it was a very special day for us anyway.  You ended up getting a lullaby seahorse, who we have already named Sally, a hypo-allergenic baby doll, named Goldi, many books, and lots of clothes.  To be honest, we didn't do much for your first Christmas.  Sometimes, it is hard to get into the spirit of the holidays when we are so far from family.  I wish we could have been with Grandma, Grandpa, Papa, and your many aunts, uncles, and cousins.  We can only hope that next year we will have that opportunity.

Little one, you look so beautiful in your red dress.  You didn't wear it for long because you ended up spitting up down the front.  Unfortunately, we didn't get many pictures.  I'm sure I will regret that down the road, but we just weren't much in the mood.

Merry Christmas, Cori Aletta!

Love,

Mommy

December 10, 2009

Dear Cori,

Last night was a difficult night for me.  I cried a lot thinking about how fast you are growing.  You were sitting in my lap, and as I was sobbing, I looked down at you to see the biggest, most wonderful smile looking back up at me.  You have no idea now how much that smile meant to me, but it is the smile that gets me through the hard times.  You are more beautiful than I ever could have imagined.  In your short 11 weeks of life you have done more for me than I ever thought possible.  I hope you always know how much you are loved, beautiful baby.

Love Always,

Mommy